9th Tribute to Fishermen
I started out writing about our journey over the last nine years in the loss of our son. Things like what we have been through, how we have endured, where we are now, but as I sat at my desk looking at the picture staring back at me of my son holding a huge bass, my thought process changed. What would Gary want me to write about on this 9th anniversary of his home going? I knew the answer right away: Fishermen
Oh how our son loved to fish! It all started when Ed took him to a pond at a very young age where he caught a mega bass. He was hooked - pun intended. Seemed like no matter where he fished, he always caught something. When he was still in elementary school, he had permission to fish a small pond behind our house. It took about five minutes and out came a 10lb.+ catfish! I have a great memory from that day and pictures to prove it's not just a fish tale.
I'm so thankful that we have so many good memories of our son. What a blessing that is to us when we reminisce. One of the things Ed said he missed most about Gary was hearing his dramatic hunting and fishing stories. His enthusiasm was catching.
How proud and excited Gary would be to fish in a tournament like the very one in his memory. The first tournament in 2009, was less than three months after his passing. There were 131 boats, around 260 fishermen who came to support his memory. The sight of them meant more to us than they will ever realize and brings tears to my eyes even now. The tournaments since have been tremendous because of their support.. The word "support" in the dictionary can mean to give help or assistance; to show that you agree or approve; to promote a cause; even to comfort. But my favorite part of this word derives from a synonym: Champion. During the three day search for our son, there were fishermen, Gary's friends and acquaintances who were out in their boats using depth finders to help with the search. I have such a special place in my heart for fishermen. Champions in my eyes.
Jesus loves fishermen. He handpicked four to be His disciples, three of whom were closest to Him: Peter, James and John. Andrew was also a fisherman. He was continually bringing others to Jesus. Jesus related to these guys in fishing terms: "I will make you fishers of men" (Matthew 4:19). The parable of the net (Matthew 13:47-52). In Matthew 17:24-27, Jesus had Peter go fishing for the temple tax where he found the necessary coin in the mouth of the first fish he caught. After Jesus Resurrection, there was a miraculous catch of fish, then breakfast of fish. At times, Jesus taught from standing in the fishermen's boat. Yes, I believe Jesus has a special place in His heart for fishermen. He used these fishing illustrations and visuals in ways they could understand and know Him better. It is a wise and brave fisherman who launches their boat out into the waters of faith for Jesus' sake.
We love and miss our fisherman more than words can express. We know we will see him again because Jesus promised that, and "The yes to all of God's promises is in Christ" (2 Corinthians 1:20 ERV). So this is a comfort to us. Still, it doesn't take the pain away from the here and now. The longing for his presence, his voice, his laughter, his smell, and just to have a simple conversation with him is at times overwhelming.
Being in the fishing world there are just some things you know: The waters may not always be smooth - storms will arise. When they do, your Anchor is Jesus. If He is in your boat, you can endure the storm. You will have a safe landing whether it be here on earth or finally in heaven. You can't lose either way. Thank you Jesus for fishermen.
Oh how our son loved to fish! It all started when Ed took him to a pond at a very young age where he caught a mega bass. He was hooked - pun intended. Seemed like no matter where he fished, he always caught something. When he was still in elementary school, he had permission to fish a small pond behind our house. It took about five minutes and out came a 10lb.+ catfish! I have a great memory from that day and pictures to prove it's not just a fish tale.
I'm so thankful that we have so many good memories of our son. What a blessing that is to us when we reminisce. One of the things Ed said he missed most about Gary was hearing his dramatic hunting and fishing stories. His enthusiasm was catching.
How proud and excited Gary would be to fish in a tournament like the very one in his memory. The first tournament in 2009, was less than three months after his passing. There were 131 boats, around 260 fishermen who came to support his memory. The sight of them meant more to us than they will ever realize and brings tears to my eyes even now. The tournaments since have been tremendous because of their support.. The word "support" in the dictionary can mean to give help or assistance; to show that you agree or approve; to promote a cause; even to comfort. But my favorite part of this word derives from a synonym: Champion. During the three day search for our son, there were fishermen, Gary's friends and acquaintances who were out in their boats using depth finders to help with the search. I have such a special place in my heart for fishermen. Champions in my eyes.
Jesus loves fishermen. He handpicked four to be His disciples, three of whom were closest to Him: Peter, James and John. Andrew was also a fisherman. He was continually bringing others to Jesus. Jesus related to these guys in fishing terms: "I will make you fishers of men" (Matthew 4:19). The parable of the net (Matthew 13:47-52). In Matthew 17:24-27, Jesus had Peter go fishing for the temple tax where he found the necessary coin in the mouth of the first fish he caught. After Jesus Resurrection, there was a miraculous catch of fish, then breakfast of fish. At times, Jesus taught from standing in the fishermen's boat. Yes, I believe Jesus has a special place in His heart for fishermen. He used these fishing illustrations and visuals in ways they could understand and know Him better. It is a wise and brave fisherman who launches their boat out into the waters of faith for Jesus' sake.
We love and miss our fisherman more than words can express. We know we will see him again because Jesus promised that, and "The yes to all of God's promises is in Christ" (2 Corinthians 1:20 ERV). So this is a comfort to us. Still, it doesn't take the pain away from the here and now. The longing for his presence, his voice, his laughter, his smell, and just to have a simple conversation with him is at times overwhelming.
Being in the fishing world there are just some things you know: The waters may not always be smooth - storms will arise. When they do, your Anchor is Jesus. If He is in your boat, you can endure the storm. You will have a safe landing whether it be here on earth or finally in heaven. You can't lose either way. Thank you Jesus for fishermen.
Crossing the Bridge
This week, on my way to Madisonville, I had to travel across "the bridge" in Vonore. As other times, I am always subdued, always looking down in the water, wondering, questioning, thoughtful. What happened that my son fell out of his boat here? As I started across, the song Jesus, I Believe was playing on the radio. I had written a portion of the lyrics from that song the day before on my Facebook and in my journal. At that moment, the exact words were being sung: "I'm standing on Your promises, I know Your Word is true. You're bigger than what I see, It's You in exchange for me. Even the impossible is Your reality. Jesus, I believe."
Other events have occurred while driving across the bridge. We call them "God Things." I think God is letting us know that He is aware and always with us. Coincidence? No. Christians have no coincidences.
Where would I be now, almost nine years later, had I not believed His Word and stood on God's promises? Losing a child, and in our case, an only child, is a hard test of faith. What if I had chosen to give up on God because life was being unfair and I knew God could have prevented the accident?
I shudder to think of the spiritual state of mind and heart I could be in had I walked away from God. I would be bitter, angry and resentful, always holding a grudge against God. I would be in self-pity, a "woe is me" attitude. That is how I am very capable of being.
But God has graced us with strength to get out of bed everyday and keep going. He has comforted us in ways that are supernatural and are hard to explain. He has set in our hearts a compulsion to help others through the books He allowed me to write, through the fishing tournament and speaking engagements. God has done all this! Philippians 1:12 says, "What has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel."
There are paradoxes in the Christian faith: In sorrow, we find joy (2 Cor. 6:10); loss is gain (Phil. 3:8); spiritual blessings come by way of trials (James 1:2); losing our life for Christ's sake in order to find real life (Matt: 10:39); when I am weak, then I am strong, (2 Cor.12:10).
Don't misunderstand me: I'm not saying it was good to lose our son - NEVER! We want our son. We miss our son more than we can express in words. Death is part of the curse from sin. I hate death. Death has caused us more heartache and anguish of soul than could be imagined. It has been extremely hard on us. But why did spiritual blessings have to come through death? Was there no other way? I will never know. I do know this: Sorrow given to God, inspires us, even drives us to ministry. Sorrow has deepened our thoughts and our souls by allowing God to work in it and through it.
The lyrics from the song remind us that God is bigger than what we see and He sees the whole picture from beginning to end. There is purpose in afflictions and that is a stark reality.
Life is all about Jesus, not about us. It is "Him in exchange for me." His promises and Word is true. I take hold of the promise that says, because Christ lives, we also will live, (John 14:19). Because of that promise, my son lives as he has never lived before! And I am comforted.
Other events have occurred while driving across the bridge. We call them "God Things." I think God is letting us know that He is aware and always with us. Coincidence? No. Christians have no coincidences.
Where would I be now, almost nine years later, had I not believed His Word and stood on God's promises? Losing a child, and in our case, an only child, is a hard test of faith. What if I had chosen to give up on God because life was being unfair and I knew God could have prevented the accident?
I shudder to think of the spiritual state of mind and heart I could be in had I walked away from God. I would be bitter, angry and resentful, always holding a grudge against God. I would be in self-pity, a "woe is me" attitude. That is how I am very capable of being.
But God has graced us with strength to get out of bed everyday and keep going. He has comforted us in ways that are supernatural and are hard to explain. He has set in our hearts a compulsion to help others through the books He allowed me to write, through the fishing tournament and speaking engagements. God has done all this! Philippians 1:12 says, "What has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel."
There are paradoxes in the Christian faith: In sorrow, we find joy (2 Cor. 6:10); loss is gain (Phil. 3:8); spiritual blessings come by way of trials (James 1:2); losing our life for Christ's sake in order to find real life (Matt: 10:39); when I am weak, then I am strong, (2 Cor.12:10).
Don't misunderstand me: I'm not saying it was good to lose our son - NEVER! We want our son. We miss our son more than we can express in words. Death is part of the curse from sin. I hate death. Death has caused us more heartache and anguish of soul than could be imagined. It has been extremely hard on us. But why did spiritual blessings have to come through death? Was there no other way? I will never know. I do know this: Sorrow given to God, inspires us, even drives us to ministry. Sorrow has deepened our thoughts and our souls by allowing God to work in it and through it.
The lyrics from the song remind us that God is bigger than what we see and He sees the whole picture from beginning to end. There is purpose in afflictions and that is a stark reality.
Life is all about Jesus, not about us. It is "Him in exchange for me." His promises and Word is true. I take hold of the promise that says, because Christ lives, we also will live, (John 14:19). Because of that promise, my son lives as he has never lived before! And I am comforted.
I Will Feel
I remember the early days, months and the first few years after losing my son. I didn't know what to do with all the pain and confusion, the new emotions that were a constant in my heart. Having never experienced anything so horrible, how could I figure out what to do and then try to deal according to how the emotions came, when they came and where they came?
How they came was like a held back flood, then the dam breaks. I remember one day stomping my feet and screaming, “No, No, No!” I hated the separation and wanted to change all that had happened. Go back in time. But I couldn’t.
When they came was random. Like standing in the grocery store and picking up chocolate marshmallow ice cream (your favorite) then remembering you are not here anymore to enjoy it. Not a good sight.
Where they came was a guess. I could never anticipate a trigger of those horrible emotions. I remember seeing someone with your likeness, so much it was uncanny, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I’m sure he thought I was weird but I kept staring. Then I lost it. I just wanted you.
Although for the first few years I wanted these awful feelings to go away, at some point something changed. I wanted to feel them. Strange, I know. After asking God for years to take them away, now I’m asking to let me keep feeling them, let them stay.
As I was reading in Lamentations 3 this morning from a version I’d never read it from before, I thought how much like grief these down and up words are.
“Grievous thoughts of affliction and wandering plagued my mind – great bitterness
and gall. Grieving, my soul thinks back; these thoughts cripple, and I sink down.
Gaining hope, I remember and wait for this thought: How enduring is God’s loyal love;
the Eternal has inexhaustible compassion. Here they are, every morning, new! Your faithfulness
God, is as broad as the day. Have courage, for the Eternal is all that I will need. My soul boasts,
‘Hope in God; just wait.’”
When I sink down into the lowest, deepest depths, then I can have hope and remember God’s great love and mercies.
He has all I (we) need.
So, I will feel and keep feeling because it is then that I see all the ways the Lord has helped me through and is leading me to keep looking up, having courage and depending on Him, and go out to help someone else who is trying to reconcile all the different emotions running through their hearts and souls.
How they came was like a held back flood, then the dam breaks. I remember one day stomping my feet and screaming, “No, No, No!” I hated the separation and wanted to change all that had happened. Go back in time. But I couldn’t.
When they came was random. Like standing in the grocery store and picking up chocolate marshmallow ice cream (your favorite) then remembering you are not here anymore to enjoy it. Not a good sight.
Where they came was a guess. I could never anticipate a trigger of those horrible emotions. I remember seeing someone with your likeness, so much it was uncanny, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I’m sure he thought I was weird but I kept staring. Then I lost it. I just wanted you.
Although for the first few years I wanted these awful feelings to go away, at some point something changed. I wanted to feel them. Strange, I know. After asking God for years to take them away, now I’m asking to let me keep feeling them, let them stay.
As I was reading in Lamentations 3 this morning from a version I’d never read it from before, I thought how much like grief these down and up words are.
“Grievous thoughts of affliction and wandering plagued my mind – great bitterness
and gall. Grieving, my soul thinks back; these thoughts cripple, and I sink down.
Gaining hope, I remember and wait for this thought: How enduring is God’s loyal love;
the Eternal has inexhaustible compassion. Here they are, every morning, new! Your faithfulness
God, is as broad as the day. Have courage, for the Eternal is all that I will need. My soul boasts,
‘Hope in God; just wait.’”
When I sink down into the lowest, deepest depths, then I can have hope and remember God’s great love and mercies.
He has all I (we) need.
So, I will feel and keep feeling because it is then that I see all the ways the Lord has helped me through and is leading me to keep looking up, having courage and depending on Him, and go out to help someone else who is trying to reconcile all the different emotions running through their hearts and souls.
First Book Signing
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First official book signing.
March 18, 2012
March 18, 2012